twist_turn_leap

Ugh sometimes you just make me so mad >:(

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

i know im not what one would call a "trophy girlfriend" i know im not one of those who you would turn your head for if i walked past you. and you say that i dont respect you. but have you ever thought, do you respect me in the way you expect me to respect you?
you always tell me to tell you what i want. but when i do, all you can say is "i'll think about it". so whats the bloody point in me telling you anything when all youre gonna do is brush it aside?

im really tired. and it seems you're ready for me to go anyway. or maybe you're just waiting for me to leave so you dont seem like the evil one.

sigh.

i passed (: hello year 4 (: and omg im 23 already. am i old or old D:

well im glad that's out of the way now. sometimes i think my grandpa is really lucky. with his dementia and all, he really is pretty oblivious to everything that's happening around him. or even if he gets hurt, at least he can forget about it (like really).

Since young, i've always wished for a normal happy family. I guess we try. but things always get out of hand, shouting has become a norm, hostility has become the most appropriate way of behaviour. so much for normal happy family. I know i know. every family is dysfunctional in their own way. just sucks that mine is the epitome of dysfunctional ):

i feel like giving up

mum says you're silly. but i think im the silly one. because im always the one going the extra mile and somehow its never reciprocated in the same way.

and yeah supps suck.

yay. home sweet home. and i got a job. life's good. always blessed without measure.

i have a problem. i have a bajillion things i want to say in my head. but i can never put them into words.

i should be happy. so why am i feeling hurt?

So its exam period again. I dont exactly know how im feeling. i dont feel any sense of urgency but yet ive been getting my mini anxiety attacks and headaches. its all very weird.

On a sidenote, sometimes i think i enjoy making myself miserable. I look for things that I know I'd get upset if i saw it/them/him/her. and then i just get all dark and twisty inside again. Does that even make any sense?

Have you ever wondered "hey, im actually living in this world." Not in a "imagine what life would be like if i didnt exist" kinda context but more like marveling at the fact that you're an actual life? i don't know. but sometimes I get these random thoughts that I sometimes worry about myself and my psychological health.

okay. i have derailment of thought. i am schizophrenic.

'nuff said.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Marilyn Monroe you are awesome.


im your girlfriend. why am i not worth talking to?

Blah my electives werent approved. this SUCKS. on the other hand, I SHALL GO FOR A MISSION TRIP! or get a job. $$$$ :D

oh god it's been almost a year. so life just sorta passed me by. SO MANY things have happened since then it's really crazy. its like as though i've been in a coma or something.

med in UTAS has been something out of this world. the boyfriend chubs too (: but things have just been so bumpy it feels like my first ACTUAL relationship. the rest have just been too plain-sailing that most people would be like "whatttt?" yeah. but thing is, now im just so paranoid and afraid of getting hurt i dont think im actually allowing myself to love properly. so i guess i cant expect the same from him. but im still grateful anyway cause i really think the relationship is helping me grow as a person. (omg cant believe im saying this).

why is it so hard to trust nowadays? probably cause of countless empty promises that ive had to end up getting hurt with.

aly has left for UK so that sucks. whatsapp-ing would happen only at odd times of the day ): i hope mum is alright and not going through "empty nest syndrome". i'll definitely talk to her more now. thank god the holidays are coming. i cannot wait to be back. i've planned so many things! even an overseas mission trip might be on the cards (: